In my next edition of #WatchingEveryVampireMovieEver , we took a stab (tehe) at The Twilight Saga.

Say what you will.

That they are amazing. That they are awful. That it’s mormon propaganda. That it’s a blank slate for chicks to slip in to so they can have a vampire romance.

I don’t care.

I have read the books.

They were an easy read.

I have to give Stephenie Meyer credit for having an idea, putting it on paper, selling it, and getting people who would otherwise never read to read. #GoLiteracy

It’s not freakin’ classic literature. But neither is Charlaine Harris, or Christopher Moore, or Mark Z. Danielewski — all of whom I, and others, enjoy.

Hell, my three books are the length of her last one, so good job with all those words.

Her editors released her with tense issues, writing problems, etc. There are a lot of bad authors out there, not all of them get picked up.  And maybe some of our favorite authors get released after drafts and drafts of polishing. I think there is a lot of people to blame 🙂

But there is no need for blame.

I like what Anne Rice had to say about Twilight and True Blood to George Stroumboulopoulos:

“GS: What do you think about the mania around Twilight?
AR: I think it was a stroke of genius for ‘The Vampire Diaries’ and Stephenie Meyers to put vampires in high school. I never thought of that – my vampires would NOT go to high school… I’d have to torture them to go to high school! What I did with them was totally different. I wanted very glamorous, mythological vampires – and they did the opposite. They domesticated them, they put them in high school, and Charlaine Harris put them in Louisiana in Sam’s “Merlotte’s” corner bar, it was great… I’m a fan of Charlaine Harris, I love ‘True Blood’…”

Not that Anne Rice is the end all be all for vampire lore. Each book and each author creates their own world, forsaking and adapting all sorts of mythologies to make their vampires perfect for them.

But making them accessible. Good job.

Anyway!

So I watched Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn 1 and 2.

I originally rented Twilight from a Redbox and watched it quickly after I read the book. About a month later, I saw New Moon in the theaters in opening night with my girlfriend.

Then Eclipse. Opening Night. Then Breaking Dawn Pt 1. Opening Night. Then Breaking Dawn Pt 2. about a week after opening. By that point, my interest had waned.

But I own three of them on DVD, mainly bc I love the soundtracks. And come on, everyone loves Alice 🙂

So when the movie I wanted to watch wasn’t available on Netflix, I turned to my DVD collection.

Yep, it was a little rough to get in to. That silly, silly scene where Bella can’t use ketchup.

ketchup

#TheStruggleIsReal

I realized that the most engaging part of the movies were the side characters.

Billy Burke (Bella’s dad, Charlie) being a dad full of dad humor. Anna Kendrick complaining about watching movies full of zombies and no hot guys and kissing.

I like the soundtrack.

I once was told that putting a scene to a Radiohead song does not make it awesome, but I respectfully disagree.

Carter Burwell’s score in the first movie is beautiful.

But let’s actually talk about vampires.

Weird.

They can drink animal blood, they are strong, and cold. They are fast and strong. Their eyes change colors. They talk briefly of them being “monsters” – but there is no actual transformation; no connection to hell, other than Edward thinking he doesn’t have a soul.

Here is where it gets interesting.

Stephenie Meyers gave some of her vampires powers. The ability to read minds, to tell the future, to see every thought you’ve ever had, to protect people, to make people feel pain, to control moods.  It gives them some interesting advantages.

And of course, they sparkle in the sun, bc, from what I can remember, their skin is cold like marble and as hard as diamonds.

I’ve got to hand it to her, she took the vampire mythology and made it her own. She didn’t take the Buffy world, or the Anne Rice world, or the True Blood world and plug her story in to that.

Whether or not it’s awesome is beyond the point (tehe). It’s her world.

I’m not going to get in to the plot of these movies. You all know what it’s about. If you like it, you like it, and if you don’t, independent of if you’ve seen it or not, you don’t.

They are vampire movies and they have been watched.

#WatchingEveryVampireMovieEver

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